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An Immigrant in the New MilleniumAn Immigrant in the New Millennium
James, my hero
My favorite movie is James and the Giant Peach. This is not because the animation was cute, or because Tim Burton achieved some masterful tale that hasn’t already been told, but because I relate to it in a rather silly way. I always think that the passage which James takes, the immigration from Europe to America, was an acid trip. To be honest most of Tim Burton’s movies seem like they would make more sense on acid. You should remember this comes from a well-educated person on the program D.A.R.E. (Drug Abuse Resistance Education), which I am sure most public schools instilled in the late nineties or early two thousand. Somehow James is my idol because he takes this passage very calmly. Even when faced with terrible situations, large spiders in floating peaches, James has a smile on his face.
I also remember smiling while I was taking my passage to America. On February 17th, 1999 I boarded a plane with my mother and brother,
7th May '09Pass through me like I'm not there
sing for me like I care
All I want to see in truth is
All the burdens that I bear
Get rid of this irony
Let my mind be endlessly
at peace let it be restfully,
asleep dreams can't haunt
me and I will never weep
let me stop right here.
29th April '09Every time the needle touches my skin
A sad memory awakens within
Touching my mothers dead hand
As ink goes in and blood comes out then.
The pain is what I wanted, it hides true
Things unwanted. Give me the clue
I seek about a time past due
Empty thoughts not near, though
My skin is dead, I'm not afraid to taint it's flow
With burning memories, throw
Through closed doors I once locked so tight.
After the sting of lotion seeps in
and blood dries bitterly on my skin,
After pain rejected from within,
Beauty marks wounds I would open again
My back curves, twists, bleeds,
With repent, I fear sinful deeds
I have no regrets for. Needs
Are much more intense under tortured flesh
I breathe new, I feel new, Every Time
My fingers run over engraved signs
O beauty I am in awe, I am at peace
I feel myself reborn, my flesh not my own
Who can truly understand how good it
is to feel a steady hand
Carving art that moves, breathes, feels. Bend
The rules to myself until I end.
EmbraceCrushed in Dreams by this weak Body
Celestial in Nightmares of pain
My thoughts Explode alone in space...
Light; a millenia away from my own true Wish.
Where, o where that Nebula Lies
That Heaven I've been searching for.
Only in the place between Time and Movement,
Do I see some of my Improvement.
As grains of Sand go by, in the Time glass
My Mountain turns into an ant Hill
My Fiord into a prairie, but no matter.
The goal, challenge, I will always
Touched, but never Embraced.
FilthI got rid of a lot of things,
Small stuff, big stuff, things that keep memories.
I trashed old photos I burned old stories.
I even deleted past history.
This one time I broke that vase,
Then I lost a bracelet,
I'm a disgrace.
I threw out laughter; I threw out tears;
I shedded clothes; I burned fears;
I forgot gifts most dear.
But I haven't been able to get away,
In my mind all that stuff stays.
All these things gone,
But the images of them will forever be strong.
I can wash away the filth any day,
But the dirt will still stay.
the cavethere is nothing in this place.
so empty smoothness surrounds me always,
I'd rather try and catch my breath
silently by myself.
some days I wish for this place
others hatred turns my anger to grace.
I crave the freedom no one knows
but then the loneliness overthrows,
all my common sense is gone
but then it's replaced by someone.
my hands always cold
thin blood runs old.
I wonder when this cycle will stop
will they ever change the clock.
please try to understand
I'm at odds with my own brain.
I just want to hide
like a child
in my mind.
Pure SinI hold back shivers when I am so close
Your fingers roaming like my mind
My skin sends warmth in a small dose
Your fingers my body they bind.
It is silly, like two kids playing
That you hide such small touches from others.
I sigh because later I know I will be the one crying,
Trying to hide feelings and smother everything that bothers.
Yet we meet at the same place,
Touches feel even better
Kisses I can only await.
I sigh after and leave full of regret
I will never tell you
Any of these things, because I know then
I will relinquish my heart
And have it crushed.
I cannot recover from you.
Defeat already near.
I push these thoughts away in fear.
ThreeSometimes long ago,
When the grown was covered in white snow,
I left this place in my mind,
And traveled the world through my own ways.
I got no where really
Then someone showed me a map.
She decided to tag along
But I said the road might be too long.
I carried her on my back,
but soon she got really strong,
And now and again she carries me along.
Then when the snow was melting,
we both met another,
one weak tall thing
That we thought we might break.
Instead she surprised us both
and she shattered our worlds.
But we kept on walking
with no where in the world.
When the rain was pouring
We found shelter.
When one was hungry
Food came about.
Somehow I remember,
but yet I forget how often we did fall.
There at the edges of my mind
I still like to think about the time
when we smiled so bright,
when the world was imaginary
When we didn't have to say goodbye.
And now and Then
We say hello again.
when you find yourself
in a crowd of familiar faces,
the struggle for breath
You Will PayI can taste the fear upon you:
The cold sweat in your palms,
The eyes that dart at shadows,
And the lips that are forced into a tightened smile.
You wait beneath the blankets,
Shivering each night as the anxiety rises.
You gasp at the slightest sounds and quiver...
For you are afraid of the curse that comes.
In your mind you see what you have done to me.
You watched as you ripped my tongue
And stole the very voice from my soul!
But even if I am without a body,
Even if I can no longer hold a knife to your throat.
Fear alone is enough for me to silence you,
And I will NEVER allow you to be heard!
Inner DemonI harbour a monster,
It lingers deep within.
It wants to escape me,
To tear free from my skin.
It gnaws at my insides,
And hopes that I'll give in.
It works hard to tempt me,
To lead me into sin.
It wants me to suffer
To feel its wretched sting.
But I stand true and strong,
I will not let it win.
The nights are the hardest,
In bed I pray and sing
To the Lord God above
To rid me of this thing.
But instead it remains,
My monster still within.
MazeLost within myself
Looking for a way out
This cannot end like this
Trapped in my own mind
A maze with no exit
I keep running and running
But I always end up
In the same place where I began
RustThe dwelling rust
swells this hollow garden
and somewhere in the yard
a tire swing goes flat
against the skyline.
It chokes the autumn light
in the silo,
the crush of
mums and ragged berries
It bubbles in the percolator
steeping still life
in the caul
of early morning -
the red-brown crumbs
of breakfast toast and jam
growing ghosts upon
And deep inside
I still hear you waking up
the soft salute
of morning voices
stirring the wind
outside my window.
Slaves of the deadSlaves of the dead
to find another land,
but they couldn't stand the desert and the frost.
Some died, some returned.
For those who returned
the masters had prepared a special punishment.
Their memory was wiped off.
They became thieves,
without ever understanding why.
They just felt it was the right thing to do.
Red Light ReduxHaving a truck
Paint me red
Is the strangest feeling
I’ve ever felt.
I’ve seen myself melt away
Like a mid-summer’s ice cream
While my personality screams
To be noticed. Every wall that once
Stood between me and reality
I am finally free.
Until they strapped me down
And sewed back my hands to my head.
My heart to my mouth.
My legs to the earth.
The taste of freedom
Rests gently on my tongue,
And I’ve been trying
To no avail.
Flesh rebels against flesh.
Pulsing, throbbing, giving way
To the soul escape.
Red everywherecovering the wound
The new scar. Slightly nauseating
To see your inner self.
More importantly, the pain is sharp.
Sudden as it receds, it begins
Anew. Waves, new waves, of fear.
Waves washing over, like the shore
Being washed over, carved
Away by the ocean.
Every new fear takes away something
From the soul, only later being
Though sometimes the feeling is
Refreshing, it is always
Reminiscent of past mistakes.
What, if anything, does it
Accomplish? The person grows
Smaller in hope,
Larger in despair. Then death, suddenly,
Subtly, invites the cold wind.
Oh, how I miss the blood,
The wound! Oh, how I miss
My soul, breathe it in me once
Keep in Touch!
A two-time Community Volunteer for the deviantART Related category, Anne is well-known as a positive, helpful force. She is the community's resident expert when it comes to CSS (Cascading Style Sheets), and her personal gallery offers a wide variety of tutorials for new and experienced coders alike. In addition, each winter she hosts a calendar project encouraging members to create Journal designs for all to use, bringing more creativity to the community.
It is with immense gratitude that we acknowledge Anne as the recipient of the Deviousness Award for October 2014. Read More