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7th May '09Pass through me like I'm not there
sing for me like I care
All I want to see in truth is
All the burdens that I bear
Get rid of this irony
Let my mind be endlessly
at peace let it be restfully,
asleep dreams can't haunt
me and I will never weep
let me stop right here.
29th April '09Every time the needle touches my skin
A sad memory awakens within
Touching my mothers dead hand
As ink goes in and blood comes out then.
The pain is what I wanted, it hides true
Things unwanted. Give me the clue
I seek about a time past due
Empty thoughts not near, though
My skin is dead, I'm not afraid to taint it's flow
With burning memories, throw
Through closed doors I once locked so tight.
After the sting of lotion seeps in
and blood dries bitterly on my skin,
After pain rejected from within,
Beauty marks wounds I would open again
My back curves, twists, bleeds,
With repent, I fear sinful deeds
I have no regrets for. Needs
Are much more intense under tortured flesh
I breathe new, I feel new, Every Time
My fingers run over engraved signs
O beauty I am in awe, I am at peace
I feel myself reborn, my flesh not my own
Who can truly understand how good it
is to feel a steady hand
Carving art that moves, breathes, feels. Bend
The rules to myself until I end.
EmbraceCrushed in Dreams by this weak Body
Celestial in Nightmares of pain
My thoughts Explode alone in space...
Light; a millenia away from my own true Wish.
Where, o where that Nebula Lies
That Heaven I've been searching for.
Only in the place between Time and Movement,
Do I see some of my Improvement.
As grains of Sand go by, in the Time glass
My Mountain turns into an ant Hill
My Fiord into a prairie, but no matter.
The goal, challenge, I will always
Touched, but never Embraced.
FilthI got rid of a lot of things,
Small stuff, big stuff, things that keep memories.
I trashed old photos I burned old stories.
I even deleted past history.
This one time I broke that vase,
Then I lost a bracelet,
I'm a disgrace.
I threw out laughter; I threw out tears;
I shedded clothes; I burned fears;
I forgot gifts most dear.
But I haven't been able to get away,
In my mind all that stuff stays.
All these things gone,
But the images of them will forever be strong.
I can wash away the filth any day,
But the dirt will still stay.
the cavethere is nothing in this place.
so empty smoothness surrounds me always,
I'd rather try and catch my breath
silently by myself.
some days I wish for this place
others hatred turns my anger to grace.
I crave the freedom no one knows
but then the loneliness overthrows,
all my common sense is gone
but then it's replaced by someone.
my hands always cold
thin blood runs old.
I wonder when this cycle will stop
will they ever change the clock.
please try to understand
I'm at odds with my own brain.
I just want to hide
like a child
in my mind.
Pure SinI hold back shivers when I am so close
Your fingers roaming like my mind
My skin sends warmth in a small dose
Your fingers my body they bind.
It is silly, like two kids playing
That you hide such small touches from others.
I sigh because later I know I will be the one crying,
Trying to hide feelings and smother everything that bothers.
Yet we meet at the same place,
Touches feel even better
Kisses I can only await.
I sigh after and leave full of regret
I will never tell you
Any of these things, because I know then
I will relinquish my heart
And have it crushed.
I cannot recover from you.
Defeat already near.
I push these thoughts away in fear.
ThreeSometimes long ago,
When the grown was covered in white snow,
I left this place in my mind,
And traveled the world through my own ways.
I got no where really
Then someone showed me a map.
She decided to tag along
But I said the road might be too long.
I carried her on my back,
but soon she got really strong,
And now and again she carries me along.
Then when the snow was melting,
we both met another,
one weak tall thing
That we thought we might break.
Instead she surprised us both
and she shattered our worlds.
But we kept on walking
with no where in the world.
When the rain was pouring
We found shelter.
When one was hungry
Food came about.
Somehow I remember,
but yet I forget how often we did fall.
There at the edges of my mind
I still like to think about the time
when we smiled so bright,
when the world was imaginary
When we didn't have to say goodbye.
And now and Then
We say hello again.
WhenI fell in love when
There was the wind blowing sweetly
And my cheeks got just a bit cold
Like rose dew falling slowly
I fell in love when I was told
Then once I fell in love with no one
Well someone that I dreamed of
I wondered all the time if they were real
Or if my head was just full of
Things that I wished I could feel
I fell in love when
Those spring days cried pink petals
The apple trees bloomed
And it rained sweet gentle kisses
I fell in love when I could
Then another time I fell in love
Or was it lust I can't tell...
But I remember well
That such a time will always dwell
When I fell in love
My memory is drifting to my imagination
Or was it just another new morning
When the sun hurts my eyes
When my limbs are relaxed
My muscles deep into the mattress
Both melted together
Once I fell in love
when feelings couldn't be helped
Once I fell in love
and once I fell out
We all fall
I wish I landed more gently.
You call meYou call me a freak
I say I'm unique
You call me crazy
I say sanity is overrated
You call me a sissy
I say I'm sensitive
And proud of it
You call me depressed
I say it's true
But I'm not ashamed of it
Five AMPre-dawn darkness again, seething, quiet
A monster hugging the city
How heavy, how suffocating it is
The clock has run down on time for dreaming
A void between night and morning
Ready to swallow everything up
A time for old men's reflections
On love, and loss, and sorrow
Oppressive black sky, you eat everything
But the all-night diner
Where lonely old men sit
Drinking coffee at five AM
QuicksandYou trapped me
Dragged me below the surface
And held me there
You chained me
Put brass around my ankles
And left me struggling
You broke me
Beat me with whips made of hate
And hurt me more
You changed me
Made me who you wanted
And killed me inside
You hid me
Stole me away from the light
And made me blind
You crushed me
Blew my dust in the wind
And danced on my grave
surrounding my body
And now I'm twenty feet under
With no chance of being saved
Guide MeThe shadows of my past, like trembling fingers, strum the song of warfare with my heartstrings and piano-key-ribs.
The ghosts of empty faces, empty shells, waltz to the tune of my miseries.
The war raging inside my head, like the waves of an ocean crashing against the sides of skull, cause me to drown in insecurities so deep within my tired vessel.
I am tired of this warfare.
I am tired of playing the role of some valiant soldier.
I am dimming under the power of the shadows, of the ghosts, of the war inside me –
And my only beacon is you, dear mother.
When the fire rages on, and the music is gone, I will always look to you for guidance – and you will guide me to safety, always ending the war within me.
give me a challenge, give me you.i have grown
the blood in my veins
have become more
than plasma, and i
am now trapped
within my own hollowed-out
this haze of
has to be transitory--
i can't let it be anything
From Your 'Secret' AdmirerHeaven,
this is not a love letter
I will swear to God,
with a halo on my head
and a hole in my heart.
But the fact is I revere you
more than I have any right to.
After all, we are nothing except
who have awkward conversations.
So why is it that every time the line
falls silent I panic, worrying that your shadow
will make my efforts nothing but a distant memory,
when every word you speak strongly marks my mind?
Simple: I fear having something to lose
and losing the nothing I have. You are a
treasure to me, and this note becomes my confession.
Sincerely- I typed this, but I'm sure you'll recognize the handwriting.
Death, Judgment, RebirthLast Time in the ICU
Shadow rats, beady red eyes focused hungrily
Stay still too long and they’ll swarm
Sharp little teeth rending flesh
They know the sick and weak
They can wait
Tenth floor ICU, down with the disease again
He’s resting quietly, the nurse says
She looks like a huge black rat
Does she know what’s happening?
Closing the door
She walks away
Sweet childhood dreams are interrupted
Rats gnawing away at the edges
Toothy little kisses all over
Cleaning, cleansing scurry
Down to the bone
Sentenced to Live
Firelight, poker-faced patchwork man reading aloud
An old but vaguely familiar tome, his tone is somber
Was I one of the wicked? Weren’t we all?
Who can say that they were good?
Sentenced to live yet another life
I cry; I’ve had enough living
I want to sleep forever, leave my shell behind
To crumble to dust, useless, I won’t need it
Every door opens to the same world
Is this hell, then? The onl
I Dream of a WorldI dream of a world
Where none but I reside.
A place where no feelings are crushed
And no useless hopes are shattered.
I dream of a world
Where prejudice is a foreign thing.
A world where beauty is all around
And love is an accepting thing.
I dream of a world
Where fantasy and reality collide.
Dragons of infamous knowledge
And scientists with kind hearts.
I dream of a world
Where the imaginary comes to life.
Fairies of all shapes and sizes
And wolves of power and knowledge.
I dream of a world
That explodes with color and life.
My mind a continuous machine
And my room, full of inspiration.
I dream of a world
That is all around us.
Beauty and pain;
A life full of lessons.
I dream of a world.
Flesh rebels against flesh.
Pulsing, throbbing, giving way
To the soul escape.
Red everywherecovering the wound
The new scar. Slightly nauseating
To see your inner self.
More importantly, the pain is sharp.
Sudden as it receds, it begins
Anew. Waves, new waves, of fear.
Waves washing over, like the shore
Being washed over, carved
Away by the ocean.
Every new fear takes away something
From the soul, only later being
Though sometimes the feeling is
Refreshing, it is always
Reminiscent of past mistakes.
What, if anything, does it
Accomplish? The person grows
Smaller in hope,
Larger in despair. Then death, suddenly,
Subtly, invites the cold wind.
Oh, how I miss the blood,
The wound! Oh, how I miss
My soul, breathe it in me once
Keep in Touch!
^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More